An explanation

Just a little explanation to say why I’ve been absent. I’ve been absent not only from here, but from Facebook and YouTube as well. I haven’t checked my e-mail in weeks, don’t respond to most text messages and actually don’t think about anything real in my life.

Things like money, work (not the same as money), song writing, travel, other people and my relationships with them are brushed away.

I’m finding it impossible to cope with anything other than playing piano, reading fantasy books and watching American television. Sometimes I go for a run with my mother.

It sucks and I’m worried I’m going to fuck something up seriously by missing an e-mail or a birthday or a job offer.

But I just can’t cope, so I cheerfully read books and drink tea and wait for the feeling to pass.

I’m an emotional wreck but if I don’t think about it, I don’t feel it and since I can’t afford to get a therapist until I get to Uni (where they apparently arrange it for free) I’ll just have to do that for a while.

I’m just on pause. I still love my friends, I just love myself a little less.

I’m not that upset but that’s because I’m pushing it all to one side. So don’t worry, just be patient.

You know, if there’s anybody actually reading this 😀

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